Purpose of Young Friends:
The purpose of the Young Friends program of New England Yearly Meeting of Friends is to nurture the spiritual, religious, and social growth of the high school-aged youth of NEYM. We seek to help our young people deepen and explore their spiritual journeys; learn of the rich history, traditions, and practices of Friends; and integrate their beliefs into their everyday lives. We come together to build and grow a loving community based on Quaker testimonies, beliefs, and practices.
Philosophy of Youth Work:
Our basic philosophy of youth work is this: Every young person is precious and has many amazing gifts; the job of a youth worker is to find those gifts, celebrate them, nurture them, and help the youth grow into the person they want to be. Working with teenagers requires clear expectations, boundaries, accountability, and a sense of humor. Consequence for choices young people make -- be they positive or negative -- should work to help the young person make better choices in the future and, in the case of negative outcomes, work to restore what was hurt or damaged by the choice.
What Happens at Retreats:
We gather Friday night with singing, games, and introductions, which begin our work of creating an inclusive community throughout the retreat. The Young Friends Ministry & Counsel does a skit presenting the Young Friends' commitments for each retreat: 1) abstaining from drugs and alcohol; 2) abstaining from any sexual behavior; and 3) being inclusive of everyone. We then have a quick break before going into affinity groups. Affinity groups, consisting of 7-8 Young Friends (YFs) and 1 or 2 Resource People (adult staff -- RPs), are chance for YFs to check-in about their lives, connect with each other and discuss the program in a smaller setting. We then have about an hour and a half of free time before lights out. Saturdays have three blocks of program time: morning, late afternoon, and evening. Throughout the program, there is time for worship, whole group sessions on the theme, small interest groups related to the theme, and affinity groups. There is free time, too: before and after
meals, in the early afternoon, and before bedtime. During this time, the YFs sing, play games, hang out, run around, and nap. Some YFs are able to get some homework done during free time at a retreat, but it takes a disciplined YF to do so. Sunday morning is spent cleaning up the host meetinghouse and doing some big group closing before joining the meeting for worship. YFs leave during or just after a buffet lunch following the rise of meeting.
Throughout this formal structure of retreats, a lot more happens. For many YFs, Young Friends is the place where they can leave the roles of student, child, and sibling behind and begin to explore who they are becoming. The love and care that YFs show for each other is exceptional. Deep and intense friendships are formed. Young Friends ends up being the space from which YFs can gain a new perspective from their lives, and, hopefully, return to them more grounded.
Many parents have commented that their child(ren) come home from retreats exhausted and cranky. When I was a YF, I rarely said more than five words to my family upon returning home from a retreat and yes, was exhausted and cranky, too. Often, the weekend had been so emotionally intense, so thankfully unlike high school, that I couldn't yet put into words what I was feeling. At the time, Young Friends was also the only place I felt that I could truly be myself and was the first place where I was independent of my family. As a teen, this was a rare and rich treasure. Part of my exploration of my growing independence was not sharing everything with my family. This was hard for them and vital to my developing sense of self. The intensity of being in such an amazing group of peers, one so different from high school, also left me exhausted, no matter how much sleep I got. Your child(ren) are likely feeling many of the same pressures and intensity of transitions that I did. Providing some loving space can ease the strain of Sunday evening.
How you can support our program:
The YFs are what make this program so wonderful -- so keep up the amazing work of raising up such thoughtful, sensitive, caring, inquisitive, and funny kids. Here are some other ways to support the Young Friends Program:
1. Take a moment to thank the RP's, all of whom are volunteers, when you pick up your child(ren) or with a note afterwards. The YFs often say great things about the RPs, but usually out of their hearing. Passing along their, and your, appreciations for the RPs work is invaluable.
2. Offer to help with the final clean up after the retreat. The RPs are all exhausted at the end of a retreat and many have long drives ahead of them. Taking a few minutes to help sweep or wash dishes is great.
3. Help us recruit new staff people. Look around your meeting, who might be interested in staffing or cooking for a retreat? Young Friends cannot run without great volunteers and we need your help in identify new potential staff people.
A Note about Transportation:
Getting your child to and from retreats can be a lot of work and driving. At least a week before each retreat, you will receive a list of all participants and their contact information. Every year there are different groups of YF's that organize rides in a variety of ways: one parent takes on the responsibility of coordinating the rides, but doesn't do any driving; the YF's are put in charge of organizing the rides; parents and meeting members create a rotating system of providing rides, the YF's take public transportation, etc. If you are going to be sending your child(ren) on public transportation, please let me know the travel information at least a week in advance so that I can arrange for them to get picked up. Please also do not plan on them taking a bus or train prior to 1:00 pm on Sunday as we may not be able to get them to the station much before that time.
A number of YF's drive to retreats. While at the retreat, however, they are not allowed to use their cars. This is to ensure their safety and the inclusivity of the group. We have never had a problem with this, however, if your child(ren) is driving, please make sure they are aware of this expectation before they come.
Getting in Touch With Your Child(ren) at a Retreat:
I can be reached at (207) 754-9353 between and during retreats. You can call that number at any time if you need to reach your child(ren) during a retreat. I will also send out the phone number of the meetinghouse for each retreat with the participant list. We will do our best to remind the YFs who need to check in with parents upon arrival to do so. We ask that YFs otherwise do not use their personal cell phones at retreats as it takes them away from the group.