New England Friends WomenNew England Friends WomenUnited Society of Friends Women
June 2005
A message from your clerk
It was wonderful to have so many new faces at our last USFW meeting hosted by Cambridge Friends Meeting in Massachusetts. It was inspiring to hear from the women there about the service work they were busy doing; prison work, domestic violence prevention, peace-work, etc.
It is essential to tell our stories and to hear others for it not only informs us but puts our work in the context of the larger picture. I have a vision that in our New England USFW meetings we can build a community of women who can support and encourage all the women of NEYM to explore the call of compassion and love that leads to service. Regardless of whether the first motion of the spirit is the still small voice from within or the voice booming from heaven without, the first act can often be quite small and humble. So much so it can seem insignificant were it not for our understanding that like a cathedral, service is built one stone at a time and one upon another.
I am reminded of Mother Teresa's beginnings. Finding her way forward was accomplished person by person. She was able to take what must have been an overwhelming imperative with enough humility to start building her mission one small act of will at a time for she saw that the way forward would be revealed through the motion of the spirit. She describes how when she started her mission among the poor in India she had only the ability that first time to pick out one sick and destitute person to help. Person by person she built an movement that has helped thousands.
For many women the call may not be and can not be a total immersion in service. It may be that we work together each doing a piece of some work.
When we are faithful in love, even in small things, we are building the body of Christ in our midst. We are creating a vessel, a community, where the power to bring the Kingdom of Heaven on earth can grow and flourish from His work through our hearts, minds, and hands.
Yours In That Divine Love
Darcy Drayton
Presiding clerk
Minute Excerpts: United Society of Friends Women Fall meeting- 1 May, 2005 Held at Cambridge MA Meeting
Present: Acton Mtg- Ann Armstrong, Erica Saunders; Cambridge Mtg.- Eliza Around, Dinah Starr, Maeve Whitly, Minga Claggett Borne, Wendy Sanford, Christel Jorgenson, Polly Attwood, Madge _, Ileana Matamoros; Dover Mtg- Barbara Sturrock, Carolyn Thomas; Durham Mtg.- Kitsie Hildebrandt, Muriel Marston, Dorothy Hinshaw, Nancy Marstaller, Clarabel Marstaller; Fresh Pond Mtg.- Nancy Shippen; Hanover Mtg. - Nancyrose Logan; Monadnock- Anita Mendes, Margaret Hawthorn, Sheila Garrett; Weare Mtg.- Darcy Drayton, Marian Baker
1. Introductions of our individual ministries. After lunch and singing led by Marian Baker, Minga Claggett Borne, and Dorothy Hinshaw, we began with each woman introducing themselves by briefly describing their individual ministries. What a wealth of different ministries we are active in! Kenya AIDS orphans, Teaching in local schools, Raising of our own children, Dealing with violence in families, Sunday school for teenagers and for children, Child abuse prevention, Travels in ministry to Mexico City, Home care of elders, Interfaith soup kitchen, Helping offset military recruitment in high schools, Ministry of food, Racial justice and prejudice, Raising teenagers, Clerk of a local meeting USFW, Mental health and domestic violence counseling, Supporting orphanage in Kenya, Healing prayer and campus ministry, Adult Christian education in local meeting, Newsletter editor of USFW New England, Prison ministry and Alternatives to Violence Program, Helping families of war veterans, Taking minutes for USFW International board, Supporting women in ministry in Kenya and Jamaica.
News of Sister USFW's
Cuba - Susan Furry and Chris Jorgenson will be traveling in Cuba for the first two weeks of June. Cuba's women have invited us to pay them a visit some year in March when they hold their annual conference. If Friends want to pursue sending a group to Cuba in March 2006, each individual should begin the process now in discerning with their meeting, followed by discernment of USFW and Puente de Amigos Committees.
Kenya - We heard an update of Eden Grace's ministry in Kenya. She is settled in Kisumu and very busy traveling out to all the different yearly meetings and youth conferences in Kenya and Uganda.
Nancy Shippen will be going to Kakamega in July to help train Kenyans in Alternatives to Violence while a workcamp will also be there to prepare a new center for AVP in Kenya.
Tracy Booth and Sukie Rice will be leading a workteam to the orphanage of Kakamega USFW in August.
We received a letter from Mary Kay Rehard of Friends Theological College; Darcy will respond to this on our behalf.
3. Discussion about purpose of USFW New England How do we witness in New England? In New England we try to build relationships with fellow women's groups overseas, supporting each other as spiritual partners which includes some financial support but not limited to it. In addition we support the ministries of fellow New England women here and abroad.
We read the Advocate (USFWI publication) and our own New England Friends Women Newsletters to keep informed about each other. We try to work on the root of problems, e.g. violence in our own lives, not just that of others We try to support new ministries that arise amongst us.
4. New projects of USFW New England We approved starting a program of interviewing each other, not just older members by present active ones, and putting this information into our newsletters.
We passed around a sheet of paper to sign up for those interested in dialoging or corresponding more on local topics:
AVP and prisons, Violence in families, Food, Countering military recruitment in local schools, Education of our children
We will encourage local meetings to consider starting local or regional womens groups similar to the one at Durham Meeting.
We will plan to offer a workshop at New England YM next year.
5. Plans for 2005 Yearly Meeting Sessions USFW program It was approved asking Maxine Nash come talk with us about Christian Peace Teams in Iraq. Darcy and Dorothy Hinshaw will follow up on this. We will also give Eden Grace a chance to update us on her ministry.
6. Forming an executive committee We approved forming an executive committee of officers to make final arrangements via email and phone to follow up on plans for future activities of USFW New England. Our clerk can be reached at wendego@earthlink.net
7.Plans for our fall meeting We suggested that Anita Mendes speak about her ministry to battered women and/or Martha Yager share about her work with homeless people at our fall meeting. Date and place of the meeting will be worked on by the executive committee and brought to YM sessions.
8. USFWI report. Dorothy Hinshaw reported on the recent International board meeting. She encouraged us all to subscribe to and read the Advocate, use the Blueprints- especially those interested in starting new local women's groups, and making use of the reading list that suggests good books to read for adults, teens, and children. The next USFWI Triennial in 2007 will be hosted by Indiana yearly Meeting USFW. The Acvocate subscription rate is to be reduced for officers of yearly meeting usfws: $25 for three years
We also discussed the importance of supporting the Project Budget and the projects selected by the USFWI.
9. Treasurers report Clarabel Marstaller reported that a subscription to the Advocate is included in the price of membership in USFW the form for which was in the latest NEYM Women newsletter. She received money from the Mattapoisett Meeting used stamp project to be sent to Rural Service Program. The money received from Wellesley for Aids orphans will be divided into thirds and sent to Kakamega Orphanage, Rural Service Programme, and Msamaria Mwema Project.
10. Newsletter report Ann Armstrong asked whether having self addressed return envelopes in the newsletter were helpful. The deadline for the next newsletter is May 10th. It was decided to have 40 copies extra printed for distribution at Yearly Meeting Sessions.
Meeting adjourned to reconvene next on 7th August at NEYM Sessions.
Marian Baker
Recording Clerk
Part III: Telling Stories/Sharing Culture
Whenever one is writing a story, as I am writing to you, one comes to understand (I think) one's own personal development. It happens as we brush up against what others have so strongly come to expect. I am now 17 years beyond the 3rd grade, with 20 years of education under my belt; and still there are many things that I want to explore about my own family, culture, and the surrounding greater community. It is a process of birth, excitement, loss and rebirth. The understanding of this process I am seeing is able to give meaning to the heretofore unspeakable.
When I was just a child of 26, I went through a life changing illness called Guillian-Barre. I never dared to truly research what happened to me medically, leaving most of the understanding and predictions to medical personnel. I was already a nurse, preoccupied with whether or not I had the strength, whether of medical knowledge, character and spirit, to survive the journey that was being explained to me. I was told that I would be slipping into paralysis, followed by coma, and that the whole syndrome might take years to correct. I was "alert" with the neurologist until he started talking about what practice and homework it would take in order to make an adequate recovery. My strength, I was sure would fall very short of the finish line. This journey survived my own wish to end it so that I might be able to remember some of its lessons. It also has helped to deepen my understanding of life as a process, and being able to accept my own strength in deciding how I might use the information given to me.
One day, I was visited by two gentle, congenial hospital seniors. They were very kind as they visited every other day, asking me how I was. They stayed only briefly, leaving when they saw that I was too tired to keep up with the conversation. I asked the nurse who they were because, actually--as a couple, they were cute. I thought they might possibly be angels, the real kind, and not like on T.V. My nurse, in very big astonishment said, "YOU don't know who they are?!!" "No, I answered, are you going to tell me?" "Yes," she says, "They are your parents." On the next visit, the man the nurse called my father asked me if I was afraid to die. "No," was my answer, "I just wish I knew what time it was without having to ask a nurse. I find life often difficult to live; and dying might offer some relief. Are you afraid to die?" "Yes", was his answer and we had a long talk about what it meant to live and why?.
It became apparent that I was losing my own history and boundaries when I started seeing hours and hours of white, and a lot of it. Sometimes, I even felt a gentle wind pushing me toward the light. At the end of it, I was met by someone with a long gown, a gentle face, and welcoming disposition. We were not too far from the sixties, so I expected he might be a hippie. I was offered no drugs. He asked me many questions and then he asked, "Why did you come?" I didn't even know how I got there, but being with him felt good. It was not the sexual kind of good, or being too full after Thanksgiving dinner good. It was remarkable, comforting and unexplainable. I made this trip two other times, before he would ask me why I wanted to be there. He also said that if in fact I made the trip again, I would be allowed to stay. But--that for right now, I had to leave because my children needed me.
Shortly after I awoke, my nurse helped me to listen to a call from my 3 year old son who said that his sister was taken away by the boogie man. He remembered me telling him that he and she would be alright as long as they stuck together. He was feeling badly that he was playing and all of a sudden, she was not there. I asked to speak to my mother who told me that my father-in-law collected the children and brought them to stay with his family. His wife, feeling already burdened, sent my daughter to stay with my sister-in-law, but she would not tell me where the child was. She did not give me this information because my job was not to worry, but to get well.... There is more to this story, but not so important that it needs to be included. ....
While recovering from Guillian-Barre, I always felt guilty that I left my youngest child when she was only 1 ½ years old, the time when it is so important to know where your mother is; and to know that if you leave her, she will come when you cry. My mother would tell me how my daughter would walk from room to room, calling my name. As she grew, I would feel her clinging to me; and I wondered if we would ever get away from the "damage." Later, I would work to give her as much time as I could, but I began to feel smothered, and I remained guilty. One night, when she was about 12, she waited for me to pick her up after one of her practices. I was late, very late, and I said to her, "weren't you afraid that I had forgotten you?" "No," she says, "You never have. I knew you would be here." It really proved to me that sometimes guilt is wasted life. Being trusted to fulfill a request gave me more room and commitment to being there.
Personal boundaries, and what we do with them, are affected by our environments. Our culture defines our aspirations and our ability to explore. Cultural boundaries become threatening when we have stopped being curious. We begin to see the "other" as dangerous. Our thoughts and feelings are either given value or devalued. Meanings and interpretations are either adequate, different, and/or they create a crisis that may produce change. When we meet together to explore different thoughts of boundary, we can change alter, add, and integrate our interpretations of life and our connections to each other. But first, we have to be willing to listen.
R.R. Ganzevoort1 is a pastoral minister who wrote in Life Stories that looking at life, listening to the stories is developing what he called a narrative identity. I found this article energizing as it discussed how a person's story is not built in a vacuum. It says that self evaluation is a high social process that is based on social interaction. The definition of culture is given as boundaries that define the meaning of life: Who am I? How do I make decisions? What are my values and/or social expectations? How do we build character? What does it mean to be in this community? What are the events, permissions, and rules that shape the way we tell our stories so that we can keep connections with others?
Through my work as a social worker, I have come to know, believe, and literally see that culture has its symbols. This includes the ways we manage our faith, our professions, and our lives. The way we dress can tell how we are being influenced by what we decide is proper to show, or not. When we are in crisis, our cultures tell us where to go to build meaning and how to understand what is happening to us. Ganzevoort says that it is religion that helps us process an objective so that we can understand it. This reminded me of the time I fought long and hard not to attend Quaker a Meeting because I felt pressured from a friend who was a Friend. But when I did, I found that someone was giving a message that answered a question that I did not know I had. That was 23 years ago in Dover, New Hampshire. Little did I know then that I would still be at Meeting, calling myself a Quaker, enjoying and cherishing the many relationships that shape my life and expand its meaning.
Ganzevoort outlines four principals of narrative story telling that include plot, setting, character, and tone. The plot creates the links to the end. Someone might say, "I have to connect the dots" while listening to enough of the story so that it is conceivable to know its importance. The setting holds context and gives you an idea of what is going on, "setting a stage", for understanding. The character, or protagonist, is the one who is making the choices. This is the part of the story that shows person perception. The tone is how the story is being told, and it holds the emotional hammock. As we listen to understand, metaphors can be heard. As witnesses sharing what we heard, the speaker begins to feel understood; and if not, receives an opportunity to explore the subject. It is not necessary that we agree, or carry a shared understanding. Ease in relationship is aided by the fact that the listener was able to apply enough empathy to feed back what was heard adequately. When this happens, stories often change. So this art of listening is done to support, rather than to change the story. It is done, most easily, by not making an interpretation, but by asking a question, or validating a reality or emotion. Supportive thoughts might mean striving to build shared meaning and assumptions in our Quaker culture. It implies reciprocity, equanimity, and an expansion of self as other.
Are there ways I tell my stories that can change the assumptions others may have about me? Suddenly, I can see and feel how I have been emotionally paralyzed. I see that I no longer need to carry the shame or guilt of being a descendant of a former slave master. Perhaps being a victim, feeling humiliation of the person "not good enough" produces a stronger advocate. Attempting to see God in others also allows me to speak clearly to others while keeping peace with myself. Watching the boundaries might allow me room to expand my skill and responsibilities. Exploring difference gives meaning to my own stories.
Anita Mendes
Peace and Social Concerns
1Ganzevoort, R.R., Levensverhalen (Life Stories). Kampen: Kok-Vo Z (1989)
Gilead
A religious poem can speak to us with greater force and truth than all but the greatest prose. One category of prose, fiction, does have the potential to act on the religious imagination like poetry. Yet we seldom find fiction with this kind of power.
A recent novel by Marilynne Robinson, Gilead, is the exception. This book takes the reader into the interior world of a deeply religious man, a dying minister in his 70's, who has lived out his calling in a small Iowa town. For most of his life, John Ames had lived as a lonely widower. In his last 7 or 8 years, he has been a husband and a father, joyously in love with his much younger wife, devoted to his little son. Now he knows he will not live to see the son grow up. So he writes a long journal-letter to the boy. In it he meditates on his family history, going back through three generations of ministers. This part of the story speaks to specifically Quaker concerns. The grandfather, the first John Ames, had been a fiery abolitionist in pre-Civil War Kansas; there he had participated in bloody, pro-Union raids. The father, the second John Ames, had come to a pacifist position after the Civil War, and had been briefly attracted to Quakerism. John Ames the third, the narrator of the book, is also a pacifist.
But these larger concerns are less central to the story than are the day-to-day insights that fill the book with light. In fact, light is a recurring image here----light on the prairie at sunset, light reflecting from the spray of a lawn sprinkler, moonlight, dawn light. John Ames, who expects to have only a few more months, has learned to live in the present; his words overflow with gratitude for the grace of this day's experience. I believe that this treasuring of the moment will speak to readers of all religious outlooks, or of none.
It is true, however, that the fictional John Ames is steeped in Christianity, and speaks of his beliefs often in the book. He is full of self-knowledge, and he meditates on his faults, specifically his difficulty in learning to forgive. The climax of the story involves this central Christian question of hurt and reconciliation.
The book is full of wonderful nuggets to quote. Here are a two out of many examples:
“When you encounter another person . . . . it is as if a question is being put to you.” (p. 124)
“Sometimes the visionary aspect of any particular day comes to you in the memory if it, or it opens to you over time.” (p. 91)
There is a great deal of love in this book----love of God, of creation, of people, of places. As a Quaker, I was especially moved by the passages where John Ames expresses his love for his little old prairie church. He speaks of the “hoard of silence” in the church, where he often goes to meditate alone. “I have . . . (the) feeling in the church, that I am dreaming what is true.” (p. 133)
Read this book to be reminded again of what is true.
Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson, N. Y. Ferrar, Straus, Giroux, 2004.
Kathy Mulhern
Literature
Ramallah Play School.
Every year it is our pleasure to ask all of our readers to contribute to the continuation of the Ramallah Play School..
In March of 2003 the Play Center had to move to temporary quarters while a new addition was made to the Girls School in the Amari Refugee Camp. May of 2004 saw them move into the new rooms.
After serving as supervisor of the Play Center for 22 years, Violet Zarou has officially retired. She will of course continue to visit the children.
Muna Khleifi whose first name means 'hope' in Arabic is the new supervisor. She was born and raised in Ramallah, is married and has two children, who are students at Friends School.
Empowering self-respect and positive communication are key issues which the Play Center has fostered since the very beginning.
For those with internet browsing check out the following website:
United Society of Friends Women International Budget
Many Friends have wondered what projects USFW NEYM money sent to USFWI supports. Below you will find the USFWI Project budget. Most of these projects have websites associated with them. Many can be found at one of the following Friends United Meeting websites:
http://www.fum.org/worldmissions/index.html or http://www.fum.org/worldmissions/field_staff/staff.htm
After each project's name I have noted either USFWI (no website), FUM (maybe at one of the FUM websites) or a specific website.
Ann Armstrong
PROJECTS BUDGET
FOUR FUNDS: $19,000
Love Fund: Joyce Ajlouny, Ramallah $5,000 FUM
Faith Fund: Mary Kay Rehard, Kenya $4,000 http://kaimosicnxn.blogspot.com/ and FUM
Hope Fund: Kay Cain, Belize $4,000 FUM
Joy Fund: Women Workers, ACFIA $6,000 http://www.acfiaquaker.org/
CHILDREN & YOUTH: $5,000
#1 Lindi School, equipment, Kenya $3,000 http://www.fum.org/about/news/Lindi_Goal_Passed.htm
#2 Belize Lunch Feeding Program $2,000 FUM
UNITED THANK OFFERING: $5,000
#1 Treatment Room, Njoro Friends Community Health Center $3,000 Furnishing room with cabinets, desk, chairs, blood pressure machine, stethoscope, sterilizer and some surgical equipment.
#2 Scholarships, Lyndale & Swift Purscell Schools, Jamaica $2,000 FUM
KEYS TO THE KINGDOM: $17,000
#1 Eli &Sybil Jones Scholarships, Ramallah $1,500 FUM
#2 Triennial Travel $3,000 USFWI
#3 The Advocate Subsidy $1,000 USFWI
#4 Sadie Vernon's Retirement,Belize $5,000 USFWI and FUM
#5 Medical Supplies, Samburu $1,500 FUM Global
#6 Violet Zarou's Retirement, Ramallah $5,000 FUM
CHRISTIAN SERVICE: $10,000
# 1 Supervision of ASHA Grant at Lugulu Hospital, Kenya $4,000 FUM
#2 Lisa Stout, Belize $2,000 http://friendsboysschool.blogspot.com/ and FUM
#3 Renovation, Swift Purscell School, Jamaica $2,000 FUM
#4 African Ministries Office, Kenya, Eden Grace $2,000 FUM
PEACE&CHRISTIANSOCIALCONCERNS: $7,000
# 1Workers Support, Turkana $4,000 FUM
#2 AFSC (EMAP) $1,000 http://www.afsc.org/emap/default.htm
#3 FCNL Education Fund $1,000 http://www.fcnl.org/
#4 Christian Peacemakers Teams, Maxine Nash $1,000 http://www.cpt.org/
TOTAL PROJECTS BUDGET $63,000