New England Friends Women

United Society of Friends Women

September 2005

Notes from USFW New England Clerk

It is now just a few weeks since hurricane Katrina. We all have seen how the vast majority of people who were left behind were the poorest members of their communities and people of color. Reports from around the world show that people from other countries have been shocked by what they have seen, calling New Orleans America’s Little Africa. I can well imagine what our Quaker Kenyan friends who have television might think; for, despite my saying otherwise, many have thought of all Americans as rich and white. That stereotype is, after all, what they see most on their TVs. People in our own country were shocked. Little children seeing the pictures on TV ask, “Mommy, why are all those people black?” Has America grown so used to poverty and homelessness that we can no longer see the degradation that our society has fostered?

This past weekend I attended NEYM Ministry and Counsel’s Working Party on Racism. The point was made there that if Katrina had hit any other major city in America those most adversely affected would have looked the same. Does it take an event the size of Katrina to wake us from our inattention to the continuing effects of racism and poverty in our midst? Over the past twenty years the tax cuts have overwhelmingly benefited the most wealthy of our country while military spending continues to consume over 50% of our tax dollars. Funding for programs designed to help those most in need have been cut and cut again. Even now there is legislation to cut Medicare and Medicaid, along with more tax cuts for the wealthiest.

In face of the overwhelming need of thousands who have lost their homes and livelihoods, many have sent money to relief agencies which are attempting to do what our tax dollars should. It is an irony that when people give generously to a disaster like this, small unseen agencies around the country suddenly find contributions shrinking and threatening the continuance of their work in poor communities filled with people, who have needs like those in New Orleans.

The speaker at our fall meeting will be Martha Yager from Weare Monthly Meeting in Henniker, NH. She has had a calling to work with the most vulnerable members of our society; the homeless, elderly, single parents, battered women, children, and those who work but whose wages are so low they are just one paycheck away from being homeless. She raises most of her own funds for this program. USFW’s fall fund raiser is going to go towards helping Martha continue her ministry to the poor. She has worked for the AFSC’s New Hampshire office since 1993 and coordinates their Domestic Economic Justice Project.

At Weare meeting she has on occasion spoken about those she ministers to. Although she does work with local, state, and national government agencies and officials, much of her work is also on a personal, one-to-one basis. One older man she spoke of had in his later years suffered from a debilitating mental illness, rejection by his family, and poverty. Despite this burden there was a light of humanity in him that touched those who, like him, were destitute. In meeting for worship Martha brought his life before us and cried for his death, the neglect he suffered, and the joy he brought. Martha spoke of the memorial meeting the homeless community held for him. Who of us can cry at the death of someone we have known and worked with who has died in the richest country in the world because of poverty and neglect?

Please come to our USFW meeting November 6^th at Monadnock Meeting in Jaffrey, NH. Bring your women F/friends. Spread the word about this fund raiser. By giving to Martha’s program we are helping the most vulnerable in our midst.

“Even as you do this for the least of your brothers and sisters you do it for me.”

With Love, Darcy Drayton,

Clerk, USFW New England Yearly Meeting

Minute Excerpts: USFW NEYM August 7, 2005 NEYM sessions Bryant College, Smithfield, RI

At 4:30 on Sunday afternoon, we began the meeting with giving special honor to two of our long-term members, Vernah Toothaker, who was not able to be present, and Eunice Strobel who was present. Marian Baker shared briefly about them and presented them with pillows and a certificate of thanks. [See separate articles about each of these women].Betty Ann Lee will deliver the Pillow to Vernah Toothaker on our behalf.

Program: Darcy Drayton, Presiding Clerk, introduced three of our active members who formed a panel on Responding to Violence in our midst.

Christine Wozich of Windham, ME Meeting,

Anita Mendes of Monadnock, NH Meeting, and

Minga Claggett Borne of Cambridge Meeting.

All three of them have a ministry with victims of domestic violence. Each shared how they were called into this ministry, shared one of their challenges, and shared how they avoid burnout in such a difficult ministry.

The business meeting was then held in the outside tent during supper.

We all introduced ourselves and described our ministries:

Darcy Drayton, Weare NH, Children in the world; Margaret Hawthorne, Monadnock NH, Veterans concerns, and building bridges between Friends groups; Barbara Sturrock, Dover,NH Interfaith ministry; Muriel Marston, Durham, ME, Children, and Clothing Bank; Christine Wozich, Windham, ME Feminine Spirituality as modeled by Christ; Minga Claggett Borne, Cambridge,MA- Domestic Violence; Kim West Cambridge MA, Homelessness; Ann Armstrong, Acton,MA, Supporting others in ministry; Jane Pulkinen, North Shore,MA House of Peace Ipswich; Anita Mendes, Monadnock, Domestic Violence; Marian Baker, Weare,NH, Support women in ministry; Susan Zeichner, Cambridge, Prisons and fear

Fall Meeting: It was decided to hold our fall meeting at Monadnock Meeting on Sunday November 6. Darcy will ask Martha Yager to speak on her ministry with homelessness.

We also would like to hear in the spring about Nancy Shippen's ministry on how AVP transforms to fit in other cultures.

Finance report: We received a written copy of the finance report from Clarabel Marstaller. The report was accepted with thanks.

Nominating Committee: Barbara Sturrock presented the following nominations: [See box on first page]

The nominations were approved with thanks to Barbara.

Fall appeal: We decided to have the fall appeal go towards Martha Yager's work with homeless people in New England.

Marian Baker

Recording Clerk

Eunice Strobel, the dependable background supporter

Eunice was raised in a Quaker family in Smithfield meeting, Rhode Island. For many years, Smithfield Meeting was the only non-Catholic church in the Woonsocket area and thus attracted a good crowd.

After graduating from high school (Lincoln Friends Girls School)and college, she met her husband Ken in a local drama club during the war years. Eunice was not an actress, but she was cherished as a very dependable props person. She did the behind the scenes work to enable the actors to produce the plays.

Years ago, Smithfield meeting was very woman oriented, with a woman as clerk and women in other leadership positions. Smithfield had an active Ladies Aid Society which was the backbone of Smithfield Meeting, and which raised most of the money to support the meeting. (It was very similar to a local USFW group.) Her mother was very active in the Ladies Aid, which was a close group of women. At that time, most women stayed at home and did not work outside the home. The Ladies Aid provided a chance once a month to get outside their homes and meet with other women for fellowship and to work together to raise money for important projects. They also had lots of fun and occasionally put on plays that they shared with other churches as ecumenical outreach.

Eunice knew of USFW as a teenager and college student, but it wasn't active until she started a family of her own. It provided an opportunity to meet with fellow women who had also graduated from Lincoln School for Girls (the girls equivalent of Moses Brown School).

The roles of women have reversed these days. Most women are now working outside their homes, so when they have any time off, they prefer spending it inside their own homes. As a result the women¹s group of Smithfield dwindled over the years. Eunice has kept in touch as an individual member of USFW New England for many years. The only official position she ever held in USFW was to be on nominating committee, one of those important jobs done in the background. As she puts it, “You need both leaders and you need those who work quietly in the background to support the leaders.” She has always been one of those strong support people over the years.

She was close to Barbara Haddad from Ramallah who later lived in Providence. As a result Eunice has always had a special interest in Ramallah and really enjoys the times when teachers from Ramallah come to our yearly meeting sessions. She also has a special interest in the Choctaw Indians and has spent time helping in Alabama as well as served at NEYM's representative to ACFIA (Associated Committee of Friends on Indian Affairs).

To her, the importance of USFW is to get women to help fellow women and to have regular fellowship with each other, encouraging and challenging each other face to face. (Speaking via email/computers, doesn't give the same give and take as meeting and sharing face to face.) She hopes we will keep meeting.

Marian Baker

Children in our Meeting

Our meetings have two essential responsibilities. Really, we could strip down to two committees. Imagine you decide to throw all Quaker agenda items out the window. If people in the meeting just gathered without planning to do business, what two topics would you have to talk about every month? Hmmmm. There’s no right answer, but I have a strong opinion. Yes, you can disagree.

First, you would need to arrange worship times, who has care of worship and how we listen to God’s will through worship. The second topic is controversial. So what is the next important task for a Quaker community to deal with, taking for granted that individuals at meeting have food and shelter? Some would say world peace, some membership, some gardening—ahem, excuse me—Earthcare Witness. That’s not essential for a meeting’s weekly functioning. But raising our children is critical. The second topic each meeting needs to put ‘front and center’ is Care and Witness with Children. We need to support and guide children first.

If it is odious for you to change diapers or tell stories or make lunch with the children, then you can support every week those people who can do that work. If the teen stops coming to meeting, I found a way to go over to the child’s house. Wouldn’t you visit an adult who came to meeting for 5 years and then stopped suddenly one year?

In whatever way you enjoy doing outreach and hanging out with Quakers, give your activity a few tweeks and you can include a youngish Quaker. If you go to the Saturday noon peace vigil, invite Tabitha to go even if it makes sense to cut the vigil to 20 minutes and take her out for a muffin to talk the last 40 minutes. I heard about a woman in Maine who taught young Friends in Kakamega how to do woodworking. Hey, you Mothers of Israel, guess what? Loving and teaching our children is more than just teaching First Day School.

What do you think the two most critical agenda items are for Friends?

Minga Claggett-Borne

Vernah Toothaker, the blessed one

Vernah grew up in the Boston area. She met her husband, Jim, a fellow Methodist, and together they joined Friends soon after marriage. She was close to George and Florence Selleck of Cambridge Meeting and her first meeting was Cambridge, so our original plans to give her the award in Cambridge were very appropriate!

Over the years, she has been a member or sojourner at a number of different meetings, as her husband Jim served as a pastor of Lawrence, Worcester, Smith Neck, and Mattapoisett Meetings, as well as shorter times in Indiana and New York. She has always felt most at home in New England. She enjoys both programmed and unprogrammed meetings.

Vernah is presently a member of New Bedford Meeting, though in recent years, she has more regularly attended Smith Neck Meeting in North Dartmouth, MA, which is located closer to her home.

Vernah first joined USFW back in the 1940s before it was even called USFW! (Originally it was the Women¹s Missionary Alliance, which changed its name when it's focus broadened.) She was in Lawrence Meeting at that time. Since then she has remained an active participant in USFW New England, serving as Vice President and then President (Presiding Clerk) from the late 1970s to the mid 1980s. She also has been active in the work of New England Yearly Meeting over the years, serving on NEYM Ministry and Counsel as well as a representative from NEYM to Friends United Meeting.

One of the blessings of her association with USFW was the experience of going to one of the USFW International Triennials with Clarabel Marstaller, when it was held out in the Midwest.

Again and again she says “I've been so blessed”- She feels she has been blessed in her work with Friends, blessed with fellowship with the local meetings and blessed by the support from her local neighbors. Her three children also keep in touch via phone and give her some support, even though they all live far away in western United States.

We have been blessed by her presence among us over the years and the service she has provided to USFW. Thanks, Vernah.

Marian Baker

AVP opportunities

Many of you have expressed interest in attending AVP workshops given in prisons. These are amazing, energizing, popular among the inmates, and fascinating in bursting our stereotypes of life "inside." Please consider joining a Alternative to Violence workshop.

Sometimes in the past we've been able to attend without a volunteer orientation. The prison system really wants all to participate in an orientation.

If you have been cleared at another facility and want to do volunteer work at MCI Concord, you will need to attend a short site-specific orientation for MCI Concord. If you want me to arrange a site-specific orientation at MCI Concord, please let me know.

To sign up for training or for attending a Basic workshop: contact Carol Peters at carol_peters@earthlink.net

Check out general AVP info at www.avpusa@com

Minga Claggett-Borne

Weaving a Cradle of Reeds

As a child I was amazed that the mother of Moses sent her baby down the Nile in a floating cradle! As a child, I worried about the baby Moses, not realizing his sister was sent down the river bank to watch and see if someone would find him. All the newborn male babies had been ordered by the Pharaoh to be killed at birth as it had been foretold that a Hebrew prophet was to be born who would destroy the ruler of Egypt. As a child I thought the Pharaoh was very mean. Who would hurt a child? Although the midwives were ordered by the Pharaoh to kill them at the moment of birth, I did not understand the craftiness of the midwives who protected newborn male babies by claiming they could not arrive in time to assist the mother in labor, as the Hebrew women were strong and delivered before their arrival As a child my only concern was how frightened the baby Moses might be floating on the Nile alone!

As an adult, mother and grandmother my thoughts now turn to the mother of Moses in a different way. I think of her desperation to save her child's life. I mourn with her as she is resolved that she will make a cradle of reeds, seal it with pitch and float him down the Nile hoping someone will find him and care enough to nurture him. Imagine her sitting by the river choosing the strongest reeds for her baby boy's cradle. I envision her strong, brown hands skillfully weaving the reeds in both a heart wrenching task and God inspired alternative to watching her child be destroyed. Did the mother of Moses dread the moment when her perfect craft would be complete? Did she relish in the meditative task of weaving, praying that the cradle would be blessed, hoping he would be safe? Did the river Nile fill with her tears as she placed him in the cradle? These are the thoughts I linger on now. A child's understanding of fear and aloneness has now evolved into an adult's understanding of grief, love and hope.

These same emotions of fear, grief, love and desperate hope are ones I often face when working with the mothers of children who are in foster care, not unlike Moses who also was to become a foster child of the Pharaoh's wife. Parents are not given long to reunify with their children. One year, perhaps fourteen months and if things go well and if evaluations come back positive, two years is sometimes granted. If mistakes are made in the process, a judge might grant a longer time, but this is rare. Not a long time for a mother or father who has experienced years of trauma including domestic violence, usually as a child. How do we unweave a knot of hopelessness and abuse in such a short time? Often it isn't possible. Parents are faced with either agreeing to "sign off" their parental rights or a court trial will take place to prove they shouldn't have their parental rights. I have often watched a parent, and have participated in the support process of helping them, weave their cradle of loss, in hopes that their child will find a better life than they did. Whatever wrongs they have committed against their child, this is a supreme act of love and sacrifice. For just a moment, they let go of their pain and mistrust, and, pray their child will be saved, pray that someone will love and care for their child. Often I am the sister running down the Nile to make certain the child is safely received in the loving arms of a caring parent. Often it is these parents who become my Teacher in the act of unselfish sacrifice.

Christine Wozich,

Christian Service

Friends attending New England Yearly Meeting had the privilege of hearing from two graduates of the Seeds of Peace program. For more information check their website at

http://www.seedsofpeace.org/site/PageServer

Planting the Seeds of Peace

Most of us who came to Yearly Meeting had a chance to hear, or hear of, the Seeds of Peace, who shared and spoke of their experiences in war torn Middle Eastern countries. So often we are not able to hear from God's most precious gift, the "amazing grace", our children. As the mother of Moses gave her child away for the benefit of mankind, the parents of The Seeds let the world borrow theirs. They are the teachers to the rest of the world They pose the question for us to answer, "Why must the children of the world suffer so?"

Coming back to my garden after Yearly Meeting it was time to plant the spinach seeds. I have never prepared the soil so carefully as I did this time. I cleansed the soil of every rock I could find. I spaced the seeds carefully thinking of the seeds who spoke to me and the Bible half hour that taught about seed Planting in Jesus' parable. Then, I waited. Are you waiting also? Are we waiting also to see the fruits of the fullness of our hearts from hearing the Seeds of Peace speak and ask for our support? Who will follow?

Christine Wozich

Friends United Meeting Triennial, Des Moines Iowa July 13-17
Saturday evening United Society of Friends Women International Banquet.

The night of the banquet Friends attending the FUM Triennial split almost entirely by gender. Most of the women met together to eat and enjoy a program of singing songs from several countries before listening to Eden Grace. Most of the men met in another room for the Quaker Men banquet and heard a talk by John Moru. Women from the country, or who had visited or worked among Friends in thecountry, where the song originated were invited to come forward to help lead the singing.

Eden Grace spoke to the women on the gifts and weaknesses of Kenyan and American cultures and of the needs of each in partnership.

What Kenyans need to receive from American partners: self confidence, determination, initiative, encouragement, training, capacity building, money. We need to help Kenyans get onto the bottom rung of the ladder. After that they can grow on their own. Sustainability is built via gifts rather than loans.

What Americans need to learn from global partners: global realities, humility, patience, ability to listening, how to defer to others in leadership, the difference between “wants” and “needs”, how to use less and share more.

Next USFWI triennial will be July 19-22, 2007 in Indianapolis.

Martha Yager to speak to USFW of NEYM

Martha Yager coordinates the New Hampshire American Friends Service Committee Economic Justice Program, which seeks to eliminate homelessness and to ensure that those who are homeless or at risk of homelessness have access to support services. She also works with religious, political, and community leaders on policies to provide more access to affordable housing and to repair the shredded safety net. She coordinates NH Housing Forum as well.

To read about her work go to http://www.afsc.org/newengland/nh/housing.htm

Since we have asked Martha to come and tell us her story in person, we thought it would be appropriate to have this issue's appeal go to the work she does for AFSC. Come join us at Monadnock Meeting on Sunday November 6, 2005.

In preparation for our meeting here are two excellent books that are pertinent to the focus of our fall meeting:

Nickeled and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich

The Working Poor: Invisible in America by David Shipler

Darcy